Written by Kimberly Fontaine, Master Practitioner in Counselling - Provisional (MPCC-Provisional)
When was the last time someone asked you how you were doing, and you answered "good!" before you'd even had a chance to think about it? Not because you were deliberately hiding anything. It was just the automatic response. You're fine, everything’s fine! You're managing. You're getting things done. And besides, who's got time to unpack how they're actually doing when there are approximately 47 other things to take care of?
Sound familiar?
Most of us get pretty good at keeping things moving. We show up for work, look after our families, remember the appointments, make the plans, and try to keep all the proverbial plates spinning. And there's something to be said for that. Being able to keep going when life gets complicated is a very useful skill.
But sometimes, in the process of taking care of everything else, we lose track of ourselves. We don't necessarily notice it happening. We just get a little more tired, a little less patient, or a little more overwhelmed by things that wouldn't normally bother us. We stop doing the things that help us feel good because we're too busy doing the things that need to get done.
We tell ourselves we'll rest when things settle down, make time for ourselves after this busy stretch, or get back to feeling like ourselves once we get through the holidays. And then something else comes along. Because apparently, life didn't get the memo that we were going to be less busy now.
We spend so much time responding to what's happening around us that we lose touch with what's happening within us. We get used to pushing through until feeling tired, stressed, or stretched thin starts to seem like just the way life is.
And this time of year can make that especially easy. There are things to organize, people to see, expectations to navigate, and a whole lot of pressure to make the holidays feel special. Even the things we genuinely look forward to can start to feel like work when we're already running low on energy.
So, as we begin Flow50, I want to invite you to try something a little different.
Instead of starting with what you need to change, let's start by noticing how you're actually doing.
The signs are often there before we hit the wall
When we think about stress, we tend to think about the obvious moments: the sleepless night, the tears over something that normally wouldn't bother us, or the moment when one more request feels like one request too many.
But stress doesn't always announce itself with a dramatic entrance.
Sometimes it's much more subtle. Maybe you're becoming impatient with the people you love, sleeping poorly, overthinking everything, or saying yes to things you don't really have the capacity for. Perhaps you withdraw from people, keep yourself constantly busy, or notice tension creeping into your body. And sometimes, we don't recognize these things as signs of stress at all. We just think we're being irritable, having an off week, or needing to get our act together.
Of course, not every difficult day means something is wrong. We're allowed to be tired, frustrated, emotional, and occasionally fed up with everything. That's just hte day wer having sometimes.
What matters is beginning to recognize our own patterns.
Perhaps you're the person everyone relies on. You're capable, resourceful, and usually the one who figures things out. Or maybe you cope by staying busy. If there's always something to do, there's always a reason not to stop and check in with yourself.
These patterns we have make sense. They have likely helped us manage difficult situations or meet responsibilities that genuinely mattered. We don't need to judge ourselves for developing them. And it's worth asking whether the things that help us get through a demanding season are also making it harder to recognize when we've had enough.
Being good at coping doesn't mean we're not affected by what we're carrying.
We don't have to reach the point of complete exhaustion before we're allowed to do something about it.
Getting to know your own baseline
I want to introduce an idea called your personal mental-health baseline. Don't worry. This isn't about becoming some ideal version of yourself who wakes up at 5 a.m., drinks a green smoothie, meditates, journals, and responds to every inconvenience with grace and emotional maturity.
Some mornings, getting out of bed and finding matching socks is plenty.
Your baseline is simply about getting curious and getting to know yourself a little better. When you're doing reasonably well, how do you tend to feel? What is your energy like? How do you sleep? Do you have patience for the people around you? Can you enjoy the little things, or do you find yourself moving from one task to the next without really experiencing any of them?
And when life starts to get on top of you, what changes?
Maybe you become more irritable, feel less connected to others, start worrying about everything, or stop making time for the things you enjoy. Perhaps you take on more than you can manage or find it increasingly difficult to ask for help.
There isn't a universal checklist. Your patterns are your own.
The point isn't to monitor yourself constantly or turn your emotional life into another project. It's to become familiar enough with yourself that you begin to recognize when something has shifted.
We don't have to wait until we're overwhelmed to start listening to ourselves.
The earlier we notice that we're becoming stretched, the more opportunity we have to respond. That might mean asking for help, changing a plan, setting a boundary, getting some rest, or simply acknowledging that we're having a hard time.
Let’s get curious
Have you ever realized you were exhausted and responded by trying to become more productive? Or noticed you were overwhelmed and added another strategy to your already lengthy list of things you were supposed to be doing?
And now you're stressed about not managing your stress properly.
It's a bit of a trap, isn't it?
There's nothing wrong with learning new strategies or finding tools that help. But sometimes, before reaching for another solution, it helps to pause and understand what's actually going on.
Instead of immediately telling yourself to be more organized, could you acknowledge that you're overwhelmed?
Instead of criticizing yourself for being irritable, could you get curious about what might be contributing to it?
Instead of automatically agreeing to one more commitment, could you take a moment to consider whether you genuinely have the capacity for it?
There's a difference between trying to fix yourself and trying to understand yourself. One can leave us feeling like we're somehow falling short. The other gives us a chance to respond to ourselves with a little more care.
And sometimes, what we need isn't another strategy. It's rest, connection, movement, quiet, or a little space to work through what we're feeling. We might need a conversation with someone we trust, permission to say no, or a few minutes when nobody needs anything from us. Sometimes, the most nourishing thing we can do is give ourselves permission to be still, listen, and let the noise of the day settle.
And let's not forget pleasure.
When life becomes a series of responsibilities, we can lose touch with the things we enjoy simply because we enjoy them. We stop making room for music, laughter, time outside, a good conversation, or those little moments that make us feel more like ourselves.
Not everything has to be tangibly measurable to be worthwhile. Doing something because it is simply pleasurable, is kind to your brain and nourishing to your nervous system.
Reconnecting with ourselves isn't only about noticing when we're struggling. It's also about remembering what helps us feel connected, content, and alive.
Get to know your signals
This week, I'd like you to spend a little time getting curious, noticing your own patterns. You don't need to figure everything out or write a beautifully organized journal. A few honest thoughts are enough.
1. When I'm doing reasonably well, I tend to…
Think about your energy, sleep, mood, relationships, and patience. What do you notice about yourself when you have enough capacity to manage what's on your plate? What helps you feel like yourself?
2. When I'm starting to feel stretched, I tend to…
What changes first? Do you become more irritable, withdraw from people, overthink, take on too much, or stop making time for things that help you feel well? Are there physical signs you tend to overlook?
3. When I notice those signs, what tends to help?
Think about what has genuinely helped you in the past, not just what you think should help. Perhaps it's getting outside, connecting with someone who understands you, spending time alone, asking for support, or giving yourself permission to let something wait.
You might want to jot down a few of your early warning signs and the things that help you feel more like yourself. Keep them somewhere you can return to throughout Flow50.
And if you're not sure what your signs are yet, that's okay. You're not behind. You're learning something about yourself, just stay curious.
Your warning signs are just information. The goal isn't to eliminate every difficult feeling or become someone who never gets overwhelmed. It's to recognize what's happening a little sooner, so you have more opportunity to respond with care.
Your Daily 10
Enjoy your daily 10 this week. Is there something on the mindfulness menu you've been curious to try but haven't gotten around to? Maybe this is your chance.
You might find something that feels surprisingly good, discover what works for you, or realize that something you thought would help really isn't your thing. That's all part of getting to know yourself a little better.
No pressure to get it right. Just a little curiosity, a little room for yourself, and a willingness to see what you notice.
Good luck with Week 1. Let's start by coming back to yourself.
One question to carry with you
As we move into the final 50 days of the year, I'd love you to think about this:
When January 1 arrives, how do you want to feel?
Not what do you want to have accomplished, organized, or crossed off your list. How do you want to feel?
More grounded? Less rushed? More rested, connected, or present? Maybe you want to feel like you've had a little more room to breathe, or that you've been able to enjoy the people and experiences that matter to you without constantly racing to the next thing.
Life will still happen over the next 50 days. There will be busy days, difficult moments, unexpected demands, and probably a few occasions when your carefully laid plans go sideways.
The goal is to notice yourself sooner, listen a little more closely and recognize that your needs matter, even when other people have needs, too.
Caring for yourself isn’t another big project. Sometimes it begins with a pause, an honest question, and the willingness to listen to the answer.
You spend a lot of your life responding to the world around you. For these next 50 days, let's make a little room for you, too.